So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
