help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
