oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
