I can't breathe out the right side of my face
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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