The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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