ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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