We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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