That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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