I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
