where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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