You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
