Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You smell like stripper and shame
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
