she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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