see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I cut my penus on the lid.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
