my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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