I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm sobbing to NWA
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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