hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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