im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
