How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The power of my boobs compel you
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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