Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
