There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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