I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
two words: eviction party
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
