Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
