Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
