If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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