A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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