Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
