I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
