he puts the penis in happiness.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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