just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
