I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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