Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
