I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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