a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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