WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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