i think my tv is drunk
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
