Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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