Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
