So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
