You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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