i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
