you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
