Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
