one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
