Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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