she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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