Plan B is the new Plan A
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
