So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i came on her dog
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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