So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
