so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
