Whod you bang
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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