I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize