Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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