You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
