Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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