Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
