Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
