You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
