I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
