So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he thought i was a dude.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
