she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
