Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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