this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
