i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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