Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
