There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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