Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
