This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
her facebook's as public as her vagina
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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