Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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