No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
