I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's rum buckets o'clock
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize