he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize