Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
