I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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