So drunk its hurt
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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