Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
