Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
