Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
