Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
