is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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