Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
