This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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