i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
