i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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