Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
