as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
