At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
