All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize